Sister Brimhall and I
September 24, 2012:
I know that life is so much better with God
Cau :)
As we were walking up to come do our emailing, Sister Brimhall asked me what I was going to write about, and I didn’t know yet. No big stories as of this week. We got the Zvolen Church building, I don’t know if I told you all that already, but we did. So this week we went and helped clean it up a little bit, and this week we will be going to Zvolen to start passing out fliers for English and for the "grand opening" which is just going to be Church on Sunday, haha, I hope people come. I was thinking about Zvolen yesterday, and it dawned on me how funny it is that we actually got a building... because we literally have one member in Zvolen, and she has to come to Banska for Church, otherwise Church in Banska just falls apart. So, it's funny that the building actually got approved. It's critical to have a building for the work to go forward, but it is crazy that there is a Church building in a city with not even a GROUP established. At least Banska is a unit with our three members, haha, so crazy. Missions are so interesting. So hopefully the Elders and the Nyes can find some people to fill that beautiful green building. We are going to try and get the Banska members to go to Zvolen after Church in Banska so that bodies will be in the building, and so that we can still keep bodies in the Banska building. It's crazy. We really are starting from scratch over here.
Last night Sister Brimhall and I were talking about things right after we'd finished nightly planning, and I told her how frustrated I've been for the last few weeks here, because some days I just feel like this weird robot trying so hard however to be human and loving to people who can just tear into whatever I have to offer. So often I hear that the Book of Mormon is NOT true, that God doesn’t need prophets today, that all churches are false, that ordinances don't matter, God is loving, everyone will be saved, Jesus drank wine and us changing that ordinance of the sacrament is like the Catholics changing baptism... the list just goes on and on. And I start feeling really overwhelmed and so not at peace. It's like all my emotion just drains into my well-worn shoes. And I miss being a greeny and just falling in love with everyone. Being SO excited if we got a [phone] number on the street, praying my brains out just so that [an investigator] would come to Church... It's like the further out you get and the more you start to understand what people are actually saying to you, the more you start recognizing red flags... You just have so many people on your mind; it's like they’ve created this pile in your head, and you aren’t free to think anymore. It’s so weird. I can’t explain it.
There have been days lately where it's so cold, and people have yelled at us, and drunk men have mocked us, and ten people reject us in one minute... and at those times it's like... where are the concourses of angels that we've been promised? Where are the miracles? How much cleaner do we need to be? There is promise after promise in the Book of Mormon that we can bring thousands of souls to repentance if we are obedient and repent and work hard. Well, I don’t know where these thousands are, but I'm trying to find them, that's for sure.
As I was talking to Sister Brimhall, she looked at me and told me that she's gone through the same thing on her mission. And I was relieved knowing that I'm not the only one going through these feelings. And Sister B told me that she wrote her family about it, and they told her that it's hard when your testimony is tried multiple times a day, even multiple times an hour, or a minute. And sometimes I'm just like why isn’t the Church growing here?! I mean Slovakia, Banska, has been this big for like the last 6 years. And there are theories that maybe the missionaries just weren’t good or something... but it really is so bizarre. And I keep thinking that thing Elder Christofferson told us about how they send the best to Eastern Europe, because even though you don’t want to classify places as hard, because that gates us in a way, these countries are the hardest. And I am just like good heavens, how hard-hearted can people get? No one likes commandments, and governments have twisted churches into being something evil, and no one wants to rely on God, or even admit that He's out there. And I just read my Scriptures and keep plugging forward with no spiritual manifestations... And it gets to ya. And so anyway, talking to Sister Brimhall made me feel better about the whole thing, because I felt like I wasn’t a bad missionary for having those feelings... I just gotta push through. I just gotta remember those moments like when I went through the temple. I can remember that so clearly even though other things from a year ago are hazy. So anyway, I am either just tired or needing to learn something.
I'm sorry. That was so not even uplifting at all. I just get frustrated. And I really am just aching for an investigator to love and to pour my whole life and soul into.
But I know God lives, I know that the Church is true. It really does have all of the answers. I know that life is so much better with God, and I have seen the gospel change lives. It has changed mine. I love you all so much! I miss you!
Sestra Izatt
I know that life is so much better with God
Cau :)
As we were walking up to come do our emailing, Sister Brimhall asked me what I was going to write about, and I didn’t know yet. No big stories as of this week. We got the Zvolen Church building, I don’t know if I told you all that already, but we did. So this week we went and helped clean it up a little bit, and this week we will be going to Zvolen to start passing out fliers for English and for the "grand opening" which is just going to be Church on Sunday, haha, I hope people come. I was thinking about Zvolen yesterday, and it dawned on me how funny it is that we actually got a building... because we literally have one member in Zvolen, and she has to come to Banska for Church, otherwise Church in Banska just falls apart. So, it's funny that the building actually got approved. It's critical to have a building for the work to go forward, but it is crazy that there is a Church building in a city with not even a GROUP established. At least Banska is a unit with our three members, haha, so crazy. Missions are so interesting. So hopefully the Elders and the Nyes can find some people to fill that beautiful green building. We are going to try and get the Banska members to go to Zvolen after Church in Banska so that bodies will be in the building, and so that we can still keep bodies in the Banska building. It's crazy. We really are starting from scratch over here.
Last night Sister Brimhall and I were talking about things right after we'd finished nightly planning, and I told her how frustrated I've been for the last few weeks here, because some days I just feel like this weird robot trying so hard however to be human and loving to people who can just tear into whatever I have to offer. So often I hear that the Book of Mormon is NOT true, that God doesn’t need prophets today, that all churches are false, that ordinances don't matter, God is loving, everyone will be saved, Jesus drank wine and us changing that ordinance of the sacrament is like the Catholics changing baptism... the list just goes on and on. And I start feeling really overwhelmed and so not at peace. It's like all my emotion just drains into my well-worn shoes. And I miss being a greeny and just falling in love with everyone. Being SO excited if we got a [phone] number on the street, praying my brains out just so that [an investigator] would come to Church... It's like the further out you get and the more you start to understand what people are actually saying to you, the more you start recognizing red flags... You just have so many people on your mind; it's like they’ve created this pile in your head, and you aren’t free to think anymore. It’s so weird. I can’t explain it.
There have been days lately where it's so cold, and people have yelled at us, and drunk men have mocked us, and ten people reject us in one minute... and at those times it's like... where are the concourses of angels that we've been promised? Where are the miracles? How much cleaner do we need to be? There is promise after promise in the Book of Mormon that we can bring thousands of souls to repentance if we are obedient and repent and work hard. Well, I don’t know where these thousands are, but I'm trying to find them, that's for sure.
As I was talking to Sister Brimhall, she looked at me and told me that she's gone through the same thing on her mission. And I was relieved knowing that I'm not the only one going through these feelings. And Sister B told me that she wrote her family about it, and they told her that it's hard when your testimony is tried multiple times a day, even multiple times an hour, or a minute. And sometimes I'm just like why isn’t the Church growing here?! I mean Slovakia, Banska, has been this big for like the last 6 years. And there are theories that maybe the missionaries just weren’t good or something... but it really is so bizarre. And I keep thinking that thing Elder Christofferson told us about how they send the best to Eastern Europe, because even though you don’t want to classify places as hard, because that gates us in a way, these countries are the hardest. And I am just like good heavens, how hard-hearted can people get? No one likes commandments, and governments have twisted churches into being something evil, and no one wants to rely on God, or even admit that He's out there. And I just read my Scriptures and keep plugging forward with no spiritual manifestations... And it gets to ya. And so anyway, talking to Sister Brimhall made me feel better about the whole thing, because I felt like I wasn’t a bad missionary for having those feelings... I just gotta push through. I just gotta remember those moments like when I went through the temple. I can remember that so clearly even though other things from a year ago are hazy. So anyway, I am either just tired or needing to learn something.
I'm sorry. That was so not even uplifting at all. I just get frustrated. And I really am just aching for an investigator to love and to pour my whole life and soul into.
But I know God lives, I know that the Church is true. It really does have all of the answers. I know that life is so much better with God, and I have seen the gospel change lives. It has changed mine. I love you all so much! I miss you!
Sestra Izatt